Hey Reader,

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Today, I want to talk about how to gain control of your emotions.

As ADHDers, we feel a rollercoaster of emotions, typically deriving from childhood traumas. As Dr.Hallowell and Dr.Ratey state in Driven to Distraction,

In my 20s, my emotions were unstable.

For example, from 2018 - 2020, I ruined all my birthdays. Was I drinking? Of course!

I already have a big mouth, but back then, drunk Frankie didn’t have a filter.

• In 2018, I called a friend “fat” in front of everybody.
• In 2019, I raced a friend in the street and almost got hit by a car.
• In 2020, I insulted one friend and yelled at another friend about feelings I had been holding in.

(Just FYI, I've apologized and made up with each of these people)

My birthdays had become the worst day of the year because I couldn’t control my emotions and impulses.

For three years, I woke up many mornings with awful hangxiety. I braced myself to hear about another bad thing. Let's just say I got really good at apologizing.

Luckily, I had good friends who forgave me. But I would lose them if I didn’t change.

On top of that, you can’t gain momentum when dealing with emotional ups and downs.

Emotional turmoil’s close friend is inconsistency.

I’m an overthinker, so the anxiety and regret would linger for weeks and months. I’d ask myself questions like

• Am I a bad person?
• Why do I keep doing this?
• Will my friends forgive me?
• When are my friends going to get tired of this?

I felt like I was becoming a bad person, and it would put me in a rut. So, I’d stop

• Going to the gym
• Eating healthy
• Working on my side projects
• Being consistent

I’d spend a month rebuilding my relationships and confidence. It was a destructive monthly cycle.

You can’t build momentum if you’re constantly questioning yourself and restarting.

So, I took my cousin Cameron’s recommendation and started therapy.

Therapy leads to Stability & Consistency

Since starting therapy,

• I’ve learned to express myself, so I don’t hold on to things until they blow up.
• I’ve learned to make mistakes, apologize, and grow from them, rather than letting them derail everything.
• I still go out, but drink less.
• My emotional intelligence has become a strength that allows me to grow my business.
• My birthdays have only been amazing. It’s on Halloween, and my friends always look forward to the party.

Ultimately, my emotions are stable. This helps me stay consistent and propel myself forward.

Things don’t change unless you take action.

I should have started therapy sooner, but I never considered it an option. Where I went wrong was

• I had 3 back-to-back birthdays where all hell broke loose, but never looked for a solution.
• I assumed that things would get better with time instead of with action
• I assumed that I could see all my flaws. In reality, I needed someone else to point them out.

Therapy is like hiring a personal trainer, but for your mind.

If you don't resolve your trauma, it will hold you back from achieving your dreams. Many of your bad habits form from this trauma. For example,

I have abandonment issues due to my Dad. So, I’d hold onto things because I feared people wouldn’t want to be my friend if I expressed myself. Eventually, my emotions would boil over while I was drunk, and I’d end up yelling at people.

And the inconsistency cycle would restart.

How to find a therapist

I found my therapist, Ashley, on PsychologyToday. You can also try other sites like ZocDoc.

I was very lucky and didn’t have to “date around.” Funny because I wanted an old black lady, and Ashley is a 30ish blonde white woman.

In our first month, we discussed self-talk. After my drunk mishaps, my internal voice shaming me was my Dad yelling at me. So, she dropped this gem about self-talk.

Corny, but I stopped yelling at myself and started talking to myself a lot nicer.

Not everyone will feel comfortable with therapy. So, I recommend journaling.

Questions I ask myself daily:

• What went well today?
• What didn’t go well today?
• How can I make sure the bad things don’t happen again?

This will reveal patterns in your behavior so that you can develop solutions to prevent them.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

• Stability = consistency
• Therapy leads to stability
• Emotional turmoil will throw off your momentum
• Poor emotional control and trauma will cause emotional turmoil
• Traumas don’t just go away. They linger until you solve them

If you need help with your emotional health journey, reply and we'll get started!

​Here's the song of the week​

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